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  • Writer's picturex kenna

Confusion, Chaos & Destruction

Updated: Oct 18, 2021

April 24, 2021

Amongst the many tattoos that exist upon my flesh, this one represents somethin’ special. I discovered The Cramps during my adolescent years - a time of confusion, chaos & destruction. All of which followed discovering a lot about my past, childhood & father that I wasn’t quite prepared to understand. I dealt with a lot of PTSD prior to this time, as well as during the years following. In fact, I still am to this very day.


Given the circumstances, I chose to deal with said trauma in a form of rebellion during my adolescent years. How ever toxic it may have been - I was the girl who chose to “not give a flying fuck”, dress the way I wanted despite being called a “slut” or a “whore”, despite being sexualized & dress-coded on a daily basis. I was the girl who became an alcoholic at the age of 15, drinking to the point of oblivion just to numb down all of my pain & fears. Quite frankly, I didn’t know any other way. I was the girl who was bullied for being so quiet and shy in a room full of teens who didn’t face similar circumstances, all of which originated in psychological distress of emotional neglect & abandonment. An obscene lack of control, a male figure void that was never going to be filled quite the right way.


I don’t blame my childhood friends, I don’t blame the other kids I was raised with. While some of these people remain to be insensitive asshats, I recognize that a lot of the issues I faced within my youth were out of their control. After all, we’re brainwashed into conformity, into not understanding the idea that other individuals just might not have been raised the same way you were, hadn’t experienced the same things you did - and if you had, you were shunned, bullied, or unaccepted.


At the end of the day, whether consciously or unconsciously, people acted upon anything remotely “different” with harsh neglect rather than the openness to understand. How ignorant it may be, what ever effect it had upon me beneath the surface - I chose to not give a flying fuck.


How I ended up to be the person I am today, one that has dealt with numerous accounts of psychological distress & trauma, yet somehow ended up to be the person I am today is still, quite honestly, absolutely shocking to me. But I can say one thing for sure, music has always ignited something within me that no other single source could. During my adolescence, it was a form of an escape. I finally felt heard. I finally earned a sense of control. I finally found something no single source could take away from me. Rebellion gave birth to diligence. To never surrender, no matter how many times I fall on my ass along the way. & I’ve been the same woman ever since. Stay sick, y’all. I sure as hell will 🤘🏼



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